Deja Vu-

One great thing about this year is that it is exactly like last year, or rather it feels that way.
And when I wonder what I should or should not do, all I have to do is look at last years mistakes and not repeat them. I guess that does not necessary mean that I am doing the right thing, I can just keep from repeating last years mistakes. Actually there are many things that are not the same as last year, like this year I am not in relationship with a girl in Chicago,
so that means that in the Fall after working and saving some money I can go anywhere in the world. So that is defiantly different. Also I have gained some wisdom over this last year that I did not have before. I am now making long term plans to move overseas, at this point I do not know where, or what it will look like, but I am going to do some studies over this next year and try to figure out just where it is that I am going to go. But I do look forward to having another year or two in the States, which are wild words for me to write. Of course I always enjoy the time with my family, someday I think that I will say goodbye and it will be a long expansion of time in our parting. I am really praying about returning to Afghanistan, it is a truly amazing country and there is so much development work that is needed. This was not on my radar last year, nor was living in one place on my mind. I had road fever and just wanted to get out the door, before I ever even really walked in the door. I just did not have my head on straight last year, too much road is not good for the soul. I am seeking now to put all those exiled pieces together. Last year I was not ready to pursue as relationship, I had been living in a tent for a year, and before that living in a mud walled home in Afghanistan before that. I had lived more like Tarzan and the fast paced society of Chicago ate my lunch, my gypsy blood was boiling over. If I would have just seen the States like a undiscovered land, some distant country I would have done just fine, but the good ole' USA was just not good enough for me a year ago. Never in my life have I had things fall apart like they did last year, maybe God was trying to teach me some lesson, like it is not all about me. I figured out this last year that I am really selfish, if I would have just stepped back, slowed down and not worried so much how I was going to get out of this place and figured out that the world does not revolve around me I might have just made it fine. This year I am just going to live, but not "just live" but live purposeful and take each day as a new day, I am going to love people, love the church, love community. I am not going to be so weird, and am going to be more open, more honest, and I am going to ask for help when I need it. After living on the road and in Afghanistan, I thought I had nothing to be afraid of and I thought I could do anything. I could live in the third world like a duck in water, but put me in the States and I need help, I have no idea what is going on here most of the time.
But here I am,
And this is where I will be for now.
And I will love it this time around.